Journey Through a Burning Brain

This is cool :)

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:15:14 GMT

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article4380921.ece#cid=OTC-RSS&attr=797093

Steampunk anyone?

LM

Today is John Dillinger Day

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:27:27 GMT

Woohoo!
And at a time when the country really could use another one!

Related to that, here is a warning to all rich people(banks, for example) who steal from the poor:
If you base your riches off of stealing from the poor, it won't be long until the poor have nothing, and you yourself will be reduced to the poverty you once stole from. I hope you end up as the next victim.

LM

Censorship?

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 08:37:58 GMT

So, how come this story got buried in the news?
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-indymac16-2008jul16,0,1217522.story
It didn't show up on any of the news site headline pages. I actually heard about it on the shortwave. A Google news search for "Fannie Mae, California" didn't pull up this story. I had to search for "IndyMac California" after hearing about it on the radio.
So, people can't get their money out of the bank. Police have to keep them in line. How is this not newsworthy? Or do you think The Media is manipulating the public? Or do you still think I'm paranoid?

Additional commentary:
So, the economy starts falling. Greedy bank people aren't willing to give up their new Mercedes every year. So, they loosen the guidelines on loans, thinking that even if these "lower class" citizens default, they'll have nice new property they can sell. The economy worsens. People who once had solid credit ratings are losing their incomes. Loans default and mortgages foreclose, as the economy continues it's downward spiral. Nobody can afford to buy new homes anymore, and seized property sits empty on the market. The bank is in trouble. Who is to blame? Of course GWB & co. don't want to take any responsibility for the economy. It's easier to blame the bank. Fraud? I doubt it. Greed, sure, but I doubt fraud. Anyone wondering why I'm still cynical about this country?

LM

Reconnected... somewhat

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:30:25 GMT

No, I didn't pay my bill, and it's even legal! My neighbor gave me an extra network antenna, and the install disk, and I am connected through his wireless router. It's 3 houses down, so I have one lonely bar, and my stability is "poor", but it's enough (most of the time). I also have a wireless network card with no antenna that I might try and install tonight. Another neighbor had a laptop, paid nobody, but seemed to have had internet access. So, I guess I live in a hot spot. We'll see, or maybe I will try to find an antenna for it first. Anyway, it's good to be (intermittently) back.

LM

For George (NSFW)

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:59:50 GMT

Bandwidth warning (youtube)
NSFW warning

In honor of George Carlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNzIyPhJeyk

LM

Disconnected

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:32:47 GMT

Comcast finally disconnected me. I owe a lot, so it looks like I'm not going to be on for a while. No phone either. The cell phone works, but I don't know how many minutes I have left.

I am on the neighbor's computer now. I will try to check emails every day or two or three. No promises.

LM

Happiness Theory

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 10:34:54 GMT

If you were to graph a person's happiness across time, you would see a bunch of ups and downs, as life's events affect us. There is a theory I read a few years ago, that states that each person has a different happiness potential. It would be graphed as a straight horizontal line across the graph.

For each person, that line is different. Some people are just happy, others seem miserable no matter what.

We always gravitate towards our line. Bad things happen, but we recover and climb back up to that line, but no higher, unless there are other outside circumstances. Good things happen, but the effects wear off, and we fall back to our comfortable line, wherever that is.

According to the theory, no matter what happens, it never takes longer than 6 months to fall back to the line. The best thing that could possibly happen to a person - the example they gave was hitting the lottery - and 6 months later that person is only as happy, or just as miserable as before. The worst thing that could possibly happen - the example they gave was the loss of a spouse or child - and 6 moths later we are hovering around the same line.

It is possible to move the line, but it takes what they described as nothing less than a spiritual awakening.

I've been anticipating this six month mark for this reason. It's no surprise that I'm quite disappointed now that it's here. They never went into details about that line moving down instead of up. Maybe because they couldn't think of a word for the opposite of a spiritual awakening. Well, whether there is a word for it or not, I seem to have definitely experienced it. After six months, I think it's pretty safe to say that my line has moved.

LM

My Latest Distraction

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 22:46:06 GMT

PMOG
http://pmog.com/
The Passively Multiplayer Online Game.
Earn points surfing.* Lay mines on websites. Take missions. Become a vigilante.
* This is not like one of those fake rewards programs. It's a game. You earn points for any top domain you visit.

It installs as a firefox extension only. You can turn it on or off without having to re-start firefox. You can even hide the toolbar and keep it running, and earn points at work just traveling around the domains you normally go to. NSFW sites, links, portals and missions are clearly labeled as such, so there's no danger there. I'll gift anyone who wants to sign up, but you'll have to message me and let me know. My user name is, of course, LordMachiavelli :)

LM

I seem to start trouble wherever I go

Thu, 29 May 2008 05:26:11 GMT

Another trip to the hospital. I've just gotten back, in fact. It started Monday with that dry, rough hacking. I was sure it was the summer cold coming on. Then Tuesday morning I had a temp of 104, and dry rough hack. I was up a couple hours in the morning and went back to bed. I got up early evening, was up for a couple more hours, took some nyquil, and went back to bed again. I woke up about 11pm. My breathing was really heavy, and since I used the last of my steroid inhaler 2 or 3 weeks ago, I burned through my last albuteral inhaler in 8 days, instead of 25. I was down to an old emergency inhaler, and it just wasn't doing it's job. Normally, I would have tried to ride it out and see if it gets better instead of worse. However, since I didn't have my wife here to call 911 for me, and help me get dressed and unlock the gate to let the paramedics in and hold the dogs back, I figure if it got worse instead of better I would be in deep shit. So, while I was still able to drive, I got dressed and headed out to Hurley Hospital.

When I walked into the emergency entrance I was barely able to walk, and obviously desperately gasping for air. For those of you who've never experienced the wonderful adventures of asthma, imagine sucking air through two of those coffee-stirring straws, on your back, while somebody is standing on your chest. Make sure you do this for a good hour to get the full effect. Anyway... I was actually stopped by the security guard. More than stopped. I was made to walk through the metal detector. Not just once. I was made to empty every single item in all my pockets. My jacket too. I took off my belt. My shoes have metal rings around where the laces go through. My jacket has a metal zipper. All this while desperately gasping for air in primal survival mode. I actually fell down, twice. Once, I knocked over the basket with all my things in it. I was on my hands and knees trying to gather everything up, not sure if I was going to pass out or be able to stand up again, and she was screaming at me at the top of her lungs to stand up. I was truly expecting her to kick me in the ribs. She finally settled on confiscating my 1998 Leatherman original (which they don't make any more) and opens up into a pair of pliers. I actually had to check when I got home to see if there is indeed a knife blade in there. And then, I had to fill out a form for my leatherman tool. I spent a good 10 minutes, maybe more, before I was let into the hospital area.

I then spent another 10 minutes talking to two nurses who gathered information between gasps of air. When I coughed, one stood up and backed away as if I carried the plague. Pretty unprofessional for a hospital, but anyway... Then I was put in a wheelchair and sat in a hallway for another good 15 minutes or so. Finally, I got a room, then another 10 minutes or so before I got a doctor and actual treatment began. Jesusfuckingchrist next time I will just call 911 and they can begin treatment before I get to the hospital!

Eventually, they brought in an x-ray machine, and drew enough blood that I had to make sure they saved some for me. I got a few other injections, one or two bags of saline, and a bag of pale fluorescent-green anti-biotic. I was promised a regular room, but it took almost 12 hours for that to happen. I did see actual doctors a couple times, always with a good handful of students tagging along. One doctor only seemed interested in the odd fact that I do have psoriasis, but _not_ on my elbows or knees.

I tried to get proper permission to leave. I was feeling much better, and my pulse-ox was reading 96%. Yes, they still heard wheezing in my lungs, but it was from the gunk I haven't coughed up, not inflammation, and that isn't going away before tomorrow anyway. They don't have meds to give out, today or tomorrow, so that won't change either. My temp was down to it's normal icy 97. And I have animals that need attention in the house. So, I left, AMA, against medical advice. My primary reason is that I could live with having to go right back to the ER a lot easier than I could live with spending too long and having the animals suffer for it. Total time: 22 hours.

And believe me, I made a serious complaint about the security guard. Now, I do understand the necessity of having security guards and even metal detectors. I'm sure they've had to treat rival gang members right next to each other. But this is completely overboard. When I made the complaint, I made sure to use the legal phrase "denied medical services". I also made sure to remind them that even the army considers the restriction of breathing to be a form of torture, and that my condition was willfully prolonged by a member in Hurley's employee. Before I left, the patient-advocate was kind enough to inform me that they had started a full investigation. Good. On a somewhat amusing note, as I was leaving and while I picked up my property from security, at least 5 or 6 healthy looking people entered through the metal detector, every one setting it off, and not even one given a second look. My influence? Doubtful. Occam's razor would say it's more likely I got one security guard with an ego trip.

So tomorrow, I have to burn more gas and take a trip to my county health plan approved doctor and catch up on the results from Hurley that won't be in until tomorrow anyway. Then my doctor gets to charge for a visit, and he can write me some scripts that I probably can't fill. But for now, I'm fine.

LM

Animal Control update

Tue, 20 May 2008 22:03:49 GMT

Friends drove two hours Sunday to help with the yard. They also brought over a mower and weed trimmer. Thank you very much! The yard looks clean, barren, empty, sterile, depressing. But it should get animal control off my ass. Not that I've heard a thing from Officer 958 or 951.

The original plan was that I was going to buy a couple pizzas afterwards. The problem is that I've been waiting for money to come in "any day now" for over two weeks. I ate Saturday and yesterday. I'm down to drinking water, and it's making my stomach cramp. My blood sugar is probably running about 50.

Comcast is pissing me off again too. I don't know if it's just me or not, but I'm running at about 80% packet loss, yet the latency is good. I run tracert and I get numbers all under 200, but because of the packet loss (all over according to tracert) it takes over 5 minutes to load up an 18k web page. What's worse, is since I'm on borrowed time with comcast (literally), I'm not allowed to complain. No matter what I push on the phone menu I'm railroaded into billing and I'm not allowed to talk to a human. They'll be cutting me off soon anyway. Power too. Well, if I vanish, that's where I've gone.

LM

Fuck People!!

Thu, 15 May 2008 06:03:58 GMT

I woke up the other evening, I opened my front door to let the dogs out, and my gate was wide open! Normally, I keep the gate "fake-locked". I have a chain that goes around the gate, and a padlock, but I rarely push the lock shut. It's a pain in the ass to take my keys out every time I want to go in our out of the gate, and it's usually plenty closed up enough to keep away Mormons, sales-people and other unwanteds. Even friends respect this barrier, and stand at the gate or on the sidewalk at the fence unless invited in. So, somebody was here and rude enough to take the chain off the gate and barge through my front yard up to the door. They must not have knocked very hard, or I would have heard it. I wouldn't have gotten up to answer the door, but I would have heard it.

So I looked to see if anyone left me a note. Nothing by the door. Nothing rolled up and put into the fence. In the mailbox, there is a postcard sized piece of orange paper that says "24 HOUR NOTICE" Further reading tells me "Pursuant to state law, MCLA 1931, 752.21, Section #1, it is a felony for a person to abandon or fail to provide their animal with proper food, water, shelter or protection from the weather. You have 24 hours to contact Animal Control regarding this offense or your dog will be removed." WHAT THE HIGH HOLY FUCK?????

Now, it's true that my front yard is a bit of a mess. I don't have a lawnmower, and the one I used to borrow from my neighbors was stolen last fall. I have an electric weed trimmer, but I'm waiting for money to by string. The grass is getting high, in some spots anyway (my lawn has mange lol). There is a bit of clutter in the yard, and the primer we used a couple years ago isn't holding up so well so the blue trim is peeling. But the house is certainly not abandoned, especially in this neighborhood.

The local slumlord who owns 17 or 18 houses around here does like to call the city and make a regular quarterly complaint about something. He hates dogs, and he's still resentful that we bought this house and he didn't. But he's never called animal control before.

So I call the number on the card. There is a phone menu, and if I know my party's extension I can dial it. There is no extension on the card. There is no answering machine, or voice mail. So I have to wait until 8am. I am all ready to bitch out the officer, because I know my dogs are better fed than me, and healthy. That would have been obvious if the dogs weren't locked inside when they knocked. To my surprise, I'm told that someone has complained about the mess and too many animals, and she made it quite clear that that someone has been inside my house.

Now, I would love to stand in front of the judge, with pictures of my healthy dogs, and make said officer try and prove that tall grass or scattered lawn furniture, or a fence that leans is unhealthy to my dogs. I don't have the money for a legal battle, or the motivation really, but that's not the point.

We don't invite just anyone into our home, no matter how clean. That means that someone who we once considered a friend, has stabbed me in the back for some unknown reason. One of my "friends" wishes me harm, and I have no idea who. So, I have a week to "show progress" on the front yard, and I will be sitting on my knees in the rain pulling out tufts of grass by hand. And nobody comes into my home again. Fuck people.

And the winner is...

Sat, 10 May 2008 03:08:05 GMT

The winner is mistoferin, who said "I'm pretty sure the song is by B.O.C."
Honorable mention to smf1 who said "I can't tell the song though (nothing surprising about that), would like you to post the answer some time." :)

The song is Veteran of the Psychic Wars by Blue Oyster Cult, made popular by the 1981 movie Heavy Metal.

The full lyrics are as follows:

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
I've been living on the edge so long
Where the winds of limbo roar
And I'm young enough to look at
And far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside
I'm not sure if there's anything left of me

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some leave
We've been living in the flames
We've been eating up our brains
Oh, please don't let these shakes go on

You ask me why I'm weary, why I can't speak to you
You blame me for my silence
Say it's time I changed and grew
But the war's still going on dear
And there's no end that I know
And I can't say if we're ever...
I can't say if we're ever gonna to be free

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time we had some leave
We've been living in the flames
We've been eating out our brains
Oh, please don't let these shakes go on

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars
My energy's spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my weapons and I'm helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I'm made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?

Don't let these shakes go on
It's time we had a break from it
Send me to the rear
Where the tides of madness swell
And been sliding into hell
Oh, please don't let these shakes go on
Don't let these shakes go on
Don't let these shakes go on

Complete with link to 3 youtube videos:
my favorite
in the tradition of good old anime
and for any of you who remember when geeks gathered at conventions to swap anime on VHS like underground contraband, I had to include
this one
to give you flashbacks

LM

5 months

Fri, 02 May 2008 06:21:21 GMT

Five months and counting. Still, nothing has changed. (Are y'all getting tired of hearing that yet?) I still have trouble sleeping. I isolate. A lot. I make it to the gas station about 3 days a week, and bigger shopping than that about once a week. I do what's necessary, but nothing really has any purpose or meaning, no real joy or sense of accomplishment, no goals without meaning.

So, for something different, I leave you all with some selected lyrics. I don't usually do lyrics, but this song seems to fit me pretty well and it's been my new favorite. I've left out some major identifying lines, because it seems to hit better when recognition rolls around later. And posting some kind of a challenge is something different. Can anyone tell me the song, without searching ?

LM

I've been living on the edge so long
Where the winds of limbo roar
And I'm young enough to look at
And far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside
I'm not sure if there's anything left of me

You ask me why I'm weary, why I can't speak to you
You blame me for my silence
Say it's time I changed and grew
But the war's still going on dear
And there's no end that I know
And I can't say if we're ever...
I can't say if we're ever gonna to be free

My energy's spent at last
And my armor is destroyed
I have used up all my weapons and I'm helpless and bereaved
Wounds are all I'm made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?

I suppose I should post something...

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 19:28:23 GMT

I went out to the munch last night. The ones where it's just 4 or 5 people I've known for 5 years are ok, but it's not really much of a munch. Last night was one of the better ones. There was one guy I hadn't seen in over a year. There were a couple people I've seen before but never talked to until last night, and a new couple attending their 2nd munch (I missed last month due to the 5th week issue.) I sat in the smoking area almost the whole night, and had more bdsm discussion than probably the last year and a half, at least. It was pretty nice, and I hope I see them again next month.

And now for something completely different:

A MEME from hislilstar

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A picture of Dita Von Teese. I change often though, sometimes daily.
Q. How many televisions do you have in your house?
Just one. A 19" I got at goodwill to replace the 27" that died. I don't like the idea of a TV in the bedroom - makes it too easy to not get out of bed.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
I was almost left-handed. Back in kindergarten when we were learning to write, I started naturally with my left hand. I was punished and told that was "wrong". To this day, when I learn something new, I can go either left or right handed, but once I learn I can't switch.
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Hmmm... Adnoids when I was a child.
Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Not sure... 50lb bag of dogfood? I try not to do too much lifting, it aggravates my asthma.
Q. Have you ever been knocked out?
Passed out, yes, lol, knocked out, no.

BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
I don't think it matters.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I can change my name. It's a rather simple legal procedure, from what I understand. But why?
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
Black, of course.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
Well, my mother's cooking is considered non-food, by the FDA, the EPA, and the NRC.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Sure. Geez, it's not that big of a deal.
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Um, NO. That's wrong.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
I don't think so. Not gaining 50k is not like losing 50k.
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
rotflmao Yeah, and I'd even be willing to spend a big chunk of it back to see who's actually interested LOL
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
Sure. It comes in small bottles. lol
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Depends on who

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
My inhaler.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good film?
I have no idea, but the name doesn't sound promising
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
Vinyl tile over hardwood in the living room, kitchen, and bathroom. Carpet in the two bedrooms.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
Stand. I didn't know people sit in the shower.
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
0 (that's zero)

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last person who texted you?
I haven't gotten a text message in near a year or so, but the only person who did was my wife.
Q: Last person who called you?
A friend who said she was going to be in town. I woke up and got the message too late :(
Q: Person you hugged?
Waitress at the munch last night. She hugs everyone hello and goodbye.

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
666, 13, and for some reason 9 comes to mind.
Q: Season?
That brief couple weeks after the mud dries from the melting snow in the spring and when it starts getting too hot for comfort in Michigan.
Q: Color?
Black. Blue isn't bad, or red or purple if it's dark. But really, black.
Q. Food?
German and Italian. Nothing fat-free, salt-free, caffeine-free, or "lite" in this house!

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
My wife.
Q: Mood?
Usually depressed, or numb.
Q: Listening to?
Sci-fi channel is on in the background. I'm not even going to bother picking up the remote to see what's been playing.
Q: Watching?
90% of my attention is on the computer.
Q: Worrying about?
Paying bills, of course.
Q: Wearing?
Usually nothing, but I have the front door open, so I have a pair of sweat-pants on.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
Bathroom.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
Go back to sleep.
Q: Do you smile often?
Often enough. Too much depression will drive away my friends and acquaintances.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
Generally, if you don't confuse friendly with social or outgoing. Unless I have a reason not to be. But I think "civilized" or "polite" is a better word for it than "friendly".

Thanks, hislilstar.

LM

Brief general update

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:27:27 GMT

That was quick, huh? It's been over 4 months now (on the 2nd). It hasn't gotten any easier, or any better. My life consists of 1)Consequences, and 2)distractions. I avoid consequences. I try to pay the bills. I buy food. I feed myself and the animals. I fill the gaps with distractions. I play computer games, I read. Nothing really has any meaning or purpose.

This coming Tuesday would have been her 10 year sobriety date. She had a jail-style tattoo of a rose on her shoulder, that she always said looked like "an upside down butt". She doesn't remember getting it done. With all her many tattoos, she was waiting until her 10-year sobriety date to get that one covered or removed. There's a whole wonderful story around her sobriety, that maybe I'll be up to sharing one day. Not today though.

LM

Content Strike

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:49:41 GMT

More Info | Get a Banner Code

Anniversary

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:25:43 GMT

Yesterday was 7 years ago I collared my wife and slave. I was buried so deep yesterday I didn't even go on to post about it. This anniversary was always the most important to her. The wedding was always the most important to me, because that's the one I could explain to the vanilla people and that's the one they would understand. This is the last of the hardest days for a while. We celebrated many anniversaries, but three came in quick succession - January, February and March. The next one is not until August 17, when we were married.

LM

New favorite spam

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:00:38 GMT

"Travel with more, longer, Nipples!"
beats out
"Get a visit from the Big Dick fairy"

and what's up with the unicode chinese(traditional) spam? For the last 3 months or so, half my spam has been in chinese - I can't even read it.

LM

I still hate comcast

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:02:38 GMT

I tried to pay my bill last night. Apparently, at 9:01 by their clock. Billing was closed. Sure enough, at 3:45am, they shut me off. Not open again until 7am. Yeah right. At 7:30, after a half hour on hold, I finally got a human. When I complained about the wait time, she responded with a comment about how busy it was. "Sure," I said, "they all called in at exactly 7am", knowing that anyone who calls at 6:59 does not get put in que. Too blond to catch the sarcasm, she actually tried to pass that off as the truth. Anyway, billing can't help me, I have to talk to collections. Collections does not arrive until 8am, and I get two phone numbers, one for Angela and one for Gracey. I am transferred to Angela's voice mail, where I am told rather coldly that she will respond to messages in the order they occur. I am polite, I wait until 8:30. I call Angela again, get the voice mail, and hang up before leaving another message. Maybe Angela called in today. I'm not waiting all day. I call Gracey. Gracey answers. I find out how much I need to pay to get turned on again. Two months. Could have been one if I had reached anyone last night. They will no longer make arrangements without a post-dated check for the balance. To the best of my knowledge, post-dated checks are still technically illegal. I have enough to pay for two months, but it's wiped me out. I'm broke again. *sigh* I hate comcast.

So much for the 5-9 inches that was supposed to drop last night. By the time I went to bed after comcast, less than an inch had fallen. When I got up this afternoon, even that was melted. I don't care. I planned for hibernating today, and I'm hibernating dammit! :P

LM

Water

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:35:26 GMT

Water is back on, and it's about bloody well time too! (Sorry, I've got Hagrid's voice in my head LOL)
It started about 8:30 last night, trickling some water and sputtering a lot of air. It lasted about 5 minutes, then quit. About 9:30, it finally came back on, but the pressure was too low to shower. It seems to be back up to full force today, so I'll be taking a very much needed shower here shortly, then headed out to run errands before the 5-9 inches of snow drop tonight.

LM

Water update

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:28:21 GMT

Well, it's not much of an update. No water yet. I've heard they were shooting for noon, but it's now after 5. I suppose all the workers probably went home by now. It was 55 today, and I couldn't get out to really enjoy the weather. Rather, I refuse to going on my 3rd day with no shower. I may still have to go out if I run out of cigarettes, but it will only be to the gas station. Glad to see all that tax money is going to good use </end>.

LM

3 months

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 23:07:45 GMT

Today has been 3 months since I lost my wife. Still, not much seems to have changed.

I'm without water today. I know I haven't given them money is quite a while, but I really didn't expect them to come out on a Sunday and shut my water off. Besides, all that unpaid water bill is supposed to be going on my taxes instead of shutting me off. Still, I figured it was 90% likely they shut me off, and 10% that a water main broke. I've been planning on how to get by without water for the months it's going to take me to pay off the whole bill then get turned on again, but I IM'd a neighbor, and sure enough, a water main broke at 3:30 this morning. Good news, it should be back on, before I have money anyway. I wonder how long it will take though, it's already been all day, and still no water.

The Family Channel is having a Harry Potter weekend. I like Harry Potter. I never would have gotten into the movies or books without my wife. :( But I managed to watch one and two yesterday, and two is on again right now, before they show three tonight. I have five (Order of the Phoenix) sitting on my computer for some time now. Maybe I'll get myself up to finally watching The Movie She Never Saw. :(

I know I've been isolating quite a bit. I've found a particularly effective distraction: Civ IV
http://www.civ4.com/
I'm playing Asok of India, fractal map, standard size and time length. I have Churchill (England) choked off to the north, with open borders only to my vassal, Egypt. Joao cuts off my access to Hammurabi in the southwest. I recently crossed the ocean with Great Spys exploring Germany, Summaria, and Babylon. I sent a Buddhist missionary to Germany, made an open borders agreement with Frederick, and sent my missionary in. Frederick immediately converted to Buddhism. I have my max 3 missionaries all on their way out to Hammurabi, in hopes of converting him to Buddhism, becoming my new best friend, and attacking Joao the backstabber on both fronts. While I am thinking and planning all of this, I am not thinking about my wife.

LM

Bad bad meds

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:49:43 GMT

Last night was the Flint munch. Also, a friend was in from out of town that I hadn't seen since late summer, I think. Last time she was in town, we had planned to go, but conny was feeling sick and we didn't make it. Well, last night my allergies and sinuses were bothering me a bit more than usual. I ran out of dayquil, so I went in the medicine cabinet and grabbed two other pills, in their blister-package, but with no box. It must have been night time medicine or something. Knocked me completely out. I fell asleep, and woke up after 2am. I missed the munch, and I missed the opportunity to see my friend again. That really sucks. I'm sure it'll be at least two or three months again before she's back. I was hoping to get her contact info too, because conny always kept me updated. I haven't talked to her since late summer or so. I guess I need to go through some of conny's contacts and look for her info, so at least I can apologize for being an idiot.

LM

Taking myself off prozac

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 05:00:43 GMT

I gave it time, it only seems to be making things worse. It should normally take about two weeks to fully stabilize and kick in. I started to dip just before two weeks, and it hasn't changed. True, it knocks the maximum sadness down to about 70%, but I can't get anything done. I've been isolating, and I've not done a thing in the last week. I made it out of the house once, for animal food, and that's it. No cleaning, no laundry, nothing. It seems mother nature isn't going to let me off easy on this one, and I just have to feel the full force of my loss. I've already skipped yesterday, and taken one today, in order to taper off. Maybe by Monday I'll feel well enough to go back to the doctor and get something for the anxiety that works.

LM

Anniversary

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:00:52 GMT

It was 7 years ago today, I drove out to Detroit Metro Airport, and met my wife-to-be in person for the first time. It was actually by accident that we were able to get her out to me before Valentine's Day. She had plugged in the wrong date for the airline ticket, saving over $100, and allowing her to travel before waiting for another paycheck. There are many wonderful romantic details I could share about this anniversary, but at this point I've already tortured myself enough.

I know, it's another anniversary, and yes, we celebrated many of them. Sure, we had our fights, as any normal couple. Probably less than normal, given that over 50% of relationships end up in divorce. But never once, even in our most fierce arguments, was there an ounce of regret about being together, from either side. We celebrated our relationship together, and anniversaries were just one way.

LM